Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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