First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
