There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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