Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
