she woke up with a sticky ear
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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