i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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