So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
