Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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