Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
