Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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