drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize