my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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