woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
