I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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