Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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