fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How naked do you want me to be?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
