Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
