What a fucking waste of an outfit
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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