I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
