So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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