She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
