Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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