I'll bet she douches with gravy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
