I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You made out with two different species that night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
