You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
