it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
