Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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