Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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