dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
