Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
