apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
