i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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