AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
