i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
