I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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