The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
