Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
