No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
