Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
