I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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