i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
