I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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