I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Randomize
