Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Every concussion has its silver lining
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
