erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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