i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
