You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
