Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
