My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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