I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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