so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
