your parents love me but you hate me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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