His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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