Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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