So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
