He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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