maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize