Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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