Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
