I think im going to throw up on grandma
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize