Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
