Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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