Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
