Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
