i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
