what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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