it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
