onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
