This is not my ceiling
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
